Transfer Failure/A New Mission

Unfortunately the transfer failed and now we are faced with going through a new cycle. We made the decision to go forward. I picked up my medications on Saturday. This includes several new medications, ones that I have never heard of or used.

I went in today for a baseline ultrasound and to get a schedule for when I am to start the drugs. I was confronted with all the consent forms, documents that need to be signed by both me and Brad, instructions, as well as all the pre-tests that need to be completed. Linda plans to call later today to give me my schedule because I started a pack of pills on Sunday which confused her as to when I should be starting the fertility drugs. I thought it was going to be this Friday but that hope was shortly deminished once I told her I started the pills. So we all still have lots of questions for the doctor.

I also started questioning myself as to why I am going to put myself through this again. All the memories from when we got pregnant with Lauren and our attempt last year to get pregnant came back. I am just overwhelmed with lots of stuff. May be this isn't the right thing to do. I though since I had one more chance I should go for it. But dealing with the emotional side effects and dealing with all the hormone changes, I'm not quite sure if it's the right thing to do.

I've prayed and prayed and I honestly feel that I have this chance and I shouldn't let it go without trying. God has shown me that whatever decision I make he will be with me at all times. It is so awesome to know his love; however, it's also hard to deal with so many unanswered questions.

So today, my journal will somewhat start over....